Child Developement

We all have heard of those who micro-manage at the workplace, but did you know that there are parents who do it at home too? These are parents who do everything for their kids out of endless love but can also shadow their kids' personalities and preferences by constantly dictating what their kids should do, when they should do it, and how they should! This is called "helicopter parenting". If you are one, you are not at fault, for parental instincts are all in good faith. However, helicopter parenting can have a lasting psychological effect on children. Not only does it hamper kids' development, but it can also lead kids to expect dependency as a way of life. This may lead to life-long issues of self-confidence, lack of coping skills and anxiety.

But worry not, this parenting style is reversible, provided you take the first step to correcting it: recognising you are one! Here are some warning signs that you, too, might be a helicopter parent:

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1. Doing your child's homework for them: 

While this may seem innocuous on the surface, the damage is done if you are consistently doing for your child what your child is supposed to do independently. You may think of it as "helping" your child, but in reality, children learn through homework and other schoolwork, and you are taking away an opportunity for your child to "learn by doing". So, whether it is the daily maths problem or the summer vacation craft project, make sure you only "assist" and not "take over" in the homework completion endeavour.

2.    Closely monitoring your child's every move: 

If you find yourself enrolling in the post-school activity class along with your kid, or being constantly on the watch-out for your kid's every move, there is a problem. This is quite suffocating for the child, which you may not easily realize, because you have your child's safety and best interests in mind. Think of it like this- you are denying yourself some much-needed breathing space to be able to manage a kid. Avoid the tendency to control your child's schedule to the tee, and give them some "playful freedom".

3.    Fighting your child's battles: 

As kids grow up, certain difficult situations may arise and it is by acting upon those situations that they learn life lessons. But if you always run to the rescue, and try to resolve your child's problems without even letting them try first, you are essentially hampering their life-coping skills. If it is your seven-year-old dealing with her first argument with her best friend, and you find yourself calling her parents to resolve the conflicts, you need to take a step back and be the "support system" and not the "protagonist" in your child's life.

4.    Teaching your child's teachers: 

Another tell-tale sign of being a helicopter parent is you teaching your child's teachers how to teach your child. As a parent it is understandable that you want your child to learn fast and excel at everything, but dictating terms or doling out advice to teachers is taking it too far ahead.

5.    Doing all your child's chores: 

As children grow up, they must be taught to take up the right responsibilities at the right stage. Toddlers can be taught to tidy up their toys after playtime, while adolescents must be encouraged to keep their rooms tidy every week. It helps develop a sense of ownership and accountability, not to mention inculcating hygiene and good habits. If you end up doing all the chores your child should do, you are denying them the right to learn these ultra-valuable life skills. So, stop cleaning up after your kids and let them do their bit. You would be surprised how happy they could be to feel valuable after contributing even a tiny bit.

6.    Choosing everything for them: 

Making choices, whether small or big is all about learning skills like evaluating alternatives and taking decisions. If you are picking out every single toy for your child from a toy-sale, or deciding which hobby class your teen should pursue seriously, you are snatching away their liberty. Allow your kids to make choices appropriate for their age. You making those choices denies them this basic human freedom.

7.    Shielding them fiercely from the outside world: 

There are parents who do not let their children venture out beyond the living room for fear of infection, whether from illness or outside influence. This may be because you are afraid your kid will get hurt, and as a protective parent it is understandable you feel this way. But there is a thin line between protecting and over-protecting. Exposure to various elements helps kids experience both the good and bad, and take everything in stride.

The reasons for becoming a helicopter parents may be many. It may not even be your fault. Maybe you are thrusting your own insecurities upon your child and you feel your child cannot do what is to be done. Or you are overly anxious about bad outcomes and hence tend to overprotect your child. A recent trend with busy parents is to overcompensate for lack of quality time spent with kids, compelling parents to "overdo" and "over-involve" when they get time with kids. Whatever be the reason, remember that a little creative freedom can work wonders for kids. It is important to take concrete steps to work on improving this attitude so that kids can achieve their full potential within a supportive environment.

About the author:

Rhucha is Mumbai-based writer and poet, travel entrepreneur, baby and maternity photographer and nature lover. She loves to freeze beautiful moments through her words and her lens, whether it is a wildlife expedition or a cute new born baby. 

Sources:

https://www.smartparenting.com.ph/parenting/real-parenting/9-ways-good-moms-accidently-turn-into-helicopter-parents-a1176-20170917-lfrm

http://www.momjunction.com/articles/whether-or-not-you-are-a-helicopter-parent_00373676/#gref

https://afineparent.com/be-positive/helicopter-parent.html

https://www.webmd.com/parenting/ss/slideshow-helicopter-parent

https://www.care.com/c/stories/4698/6-signs-youve-become-helicopter-parents/

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